Divorce is difficult for all parties involved. However, there is someone in your family that probably does not understand the situation and that is your child or children.
You must remember that your divorce from your spouse can immediately create problems for your child and complicate their lives. They become immediately in a conflict they did not bring upon themselves. In most cases, they can be as devastated and confused as you.
The children may seek refuge with their grandparents. The grandparents may be the best tool you have to help their lives to be more stable. However, they may also be the worse people to assist with your children. It all depends on whether they are willing to put the children first and not try to persuade them one way or another in the conflict between you and you’re soon to be ex-spouse. You must attempt to protect your children from their lives being ripped apart by helping them to understand what is happening and, to some extent, why.
Sometimes this is unavoidable, and is one of those rare situations where children are thrust into the world of grownups. You must remember that your children are not pieces on a chess board and they are not communication devices, they are literally, the recipients of a situation not created by them.
Very often, children want to please both of their parents so do not be shocked or upset if you discover that your child is telling you and your spouse contradictory statements. We see this very often concerning the issue of who the child wants to primarily live with. Often, the child tells both parents that they want to live with each parent the majority of the time. This is an example of the child trying to please each parent.
Remember the story of King Soloman in the Bible? Do you want to be the parent that was willing to have the baby cut in half by King Solomon, or are you the parent willing to sacrifice his or her own well being in allowing King Solomon to spare the baby; but by doing so allow the other alleged parent to take their child? You must attempt to be the parent that is willing to sacrifice for your child. Even if that means you may be hurt, or think that it is an unfair solution. You must remember, this is not just advice putting your children first, it is actually the law.
I would suggest that the story above was not in the Bible by accident and custody disputes are not new. You should not look at the demonstration in this article as examples, but rather a philosophy, in how to best deal with a remarkable situation, one which has a very simple answer, a restatement of the golden rule. Just as it is stated in the Texas Family Code, you should always act in a manner that is consistant with what is in the best interest of your children. By doing so, you will be exercising a way of approaching divorce which will serve you well. Not just for you, with regard to your children, but for your children themselves.
