Co-parenting after divorce or separation can be a challenging but essential aspect of maintaining a stable environment for the children involved.
Shared care can be classified into three types: cooperative, parallel and conflicted, and many experts agree that they can be ranked from the worst-case scenario to the most ideal outcome for the family.
The dynamics between co-parents play a significant role in the psychological and emotional well-being of their children.
For a seamless transition after being separated from a partner, co-parenting requires effective communication and cooperation between both parents, says family law attorney and parenting coordinator Kaylan Gaudio of Sodoma Law.
“How parents communicate and interact with one another will have a profound impact on the children and how well they are able to adapt to the changes in their parents’ relationship and its lasting impact on the children into adulthood,” she said.
Conflicted co-parenting
Conflicted co-parenting is characterized by high levels of tension and hostility between parents.
Communication is often uncooperative and can result in frequent arguments, which negatively impacts the children.
“This type of co-parenting can result in severe emotional and psychological stress on the children and negatively impact on their development and overall well-being,” Gaudio said.
Conflicted co-parenting often involves litigation and ongoing legal battles, which can further escalate disputes.
“In this scenario, a parenting coordinator should be appointed to facilitate better communication strategies, educate the parents on better conflict resolution, help mediate disputes, find mutually agreeable solutions, and monitor compliance with the parenting plan,” Gaudio said.
A conflicted co-parenting style can also result in long-term damage to the child’s emotional well-being and issues in adult relationships down the line.
Parallel co-parenting
Parallel co-parenting involves a more disengaged approach, where the parents operate independently of one another, minimizing direct contact and communication.
Gaudio says that this approach helps to diffuse conflict between the parents and provide the child with a supportive environment.
“However, the lack of communication and consultation between parents can result in inconsistencies between households, less continuity, less flexibility regarding schedule changes, and ineffective discipline between households,” Gaudio said.
Again, a parenting coordinator could be beneficial to the family to help establish a better process for the parents to resolve conflicts without the need for court intervention.
“While parallel co-parenting may seem like the only solution to co-parenting problems, it still results in a whole host of issues for the children who do not learn effective conflict resolution being modeled by their parents and who may experience very different realities within each household,” said Gaudio.
The lack of coordination between parents can lead to inconsistency in rules and expectations, which can be confusing and stressful for children.
Cooperative co-parenting
Cooperative co-parenting is “the most ideal” style, according to Gaudio. Cooperative co-parenting involves both parents working together to create a stable and supportive environment for the child.
Cooperative co-parenting offers the best outcomes for the child, enabling parents to provide a nurturing and stable environment.
Research shows that being surrounded by a cooperative co-parenting style results in lower levels of anxiety and depression.
A 2002 meta-analytic review found that children in joint custody, a form often involving cooperative parenting, had better outcomes in areas such as emotional well-being and behavior.
Gaudio recognizes that a cooperative co-parenting style isn’t always attainable, “but the courts and other professionals working with high-conflict parents will go to great lengths to educate and attempt to manage high conflict situations for the benefit of children.”
Depending on which style of co-parenting you adopt, it can influence whether neutral third-party professionals, such as a parenting coordinator, need to be appointed to assist the parents in managing and resolving the conflict regarding their children.
Essentially, Gaudio said that understanding the different types of co-parenting is crucial for parents striving to create a positive environment for their children and improve the long-term quality of life for them as well.
As Gaudio concluded: “Parents have the power to reduce these negative impacts on their children by changing their behavior and how they interact with their co-parent.”
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