What Not to Say During Custody Battle: 10 Missteps to Avoid

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Unsure what not to say during a custody battle? Saying the wrong thing can hurt your chances. This guide will help you avoid key phrases—specifically, what not to say during custody battle—so you protect your case.

Key Takeaways

Criticizing the other parent can harm your custody case and is discouraged by the court.
Staying calm and honest during custody proceedings is essential for a better outcome.
Sharing details about the custody battle in public or making decisions on your own can put your case at risk.

The Reality of Custody Battles By The Numbers

According to research by CustodyXChange, in Texas, fathers receive around 33% of parenting time, which is about 120.5 days a year with their children, while mothers get roughly 245 days annually. Because parenting time is already limited for many parents, making the wrong statement during custody proceedings can be especially damaging.

Research from the Harr Law Firm shows that children who go through long custody battles may have higher stress, anxiety, and behavior problems. Constant conflict between parents can also disrupt a child’s sense of security, potentially causing long-term emotional issues. Understanding what not to say during a custody battle is important not just for winning your case but also for protecting your child’s well-being and mental health. Ensuring a child’s well-being is a primary consideration for courts when making custody decisions, and negative parental actions or conflicts can have detrimental effects on a child’s mental health.

Parent	Parenting Time (%)	Days per Year
Fathers	33%	120.5
Mothers	67%	245

Custody Numbers Matter

In Texas, even a small misstep can mean a dramatic drop in parenting time—every word counts in a custody battle.

1. “Let me tell you what’s wrong with your [other parent]…”

(Criticizing the other parent can be seen as a form of emotional child abuse, which can negatively impact custody cases.)

Frustrated kid son puts fingers in ears not listening to noisy parents arguing, stressed preschool boy suffering from mom and dad fighting shouting, family conflicts negative impact on child concept

Avoid Criticizing the Other Parent

One of the biggest mistakes you can make during a child custody battle is criticizing the other parent. Courts expect parents to show they can co-parent, and constant negativity can reflect poorly on you in the eyes of the court.

Why it hurts your case: Judges see negative remarks as harmful to your child’s well-being and view them as an attempt to damage the other parent’s relationship with the child.

How to avoid it: Keep your focus on the child’s needs. Don’t use negative language when describing your ex, and show that you respect the legal process.

Staying respectful also improves your image during custody evaluations. Judges are less likely to support a parent who appears disrespectful.

2. “[Profanity] this court process!”

(Losing composure can harm your image in court by showing a lack of self-control.)

Keep Calm and Collected

It’s crucial to remain calm during child custody battles. Anger or frustration in court can hurt your position and weaken your credibility.

Watch your language: Yelling or swearing can make you look aggressive.
Stay prepared: Present a strong parenting plan and focus on solid evidence, not emotions.
Avoid confrontation: Don’t argue with the other parent in or out of the courtroom.

Showing self-control helps you look like a responsible parent who cares about the child’s well-being.

3. “I don’t have a drinking/drug problem.”

(Lying under oath can lead to severe legal consequences, including losing custody rights.)

Don’t Lie Under Oath

Honesty is essential in a child custody dispute. Making false statements can bring serious penalties. If you have issues like substance abuse, admit them rather than deny them under oath.

Court priorities: The court cares more about how substance abuse affects your parenting than the fact of abuse itself.
Credibility matters: If you lie, the judge may doubt everything else you say. You could also have to pay the other parent’s legal fees.

Being honest and transparent during a child custody dispute safeguards your integrity and keeps you in good standing with the court.

An adult's hand grips a bottle, casting an ominous shadow, as a child in pajamas sits scared against the wall—a poignant image of what not to say during a custody battle.

4. “You shouldn’t want to see your [other parent].”

(Alienation of affection can severely damage your child’s emotional health and your custody case.)

No Alienation of Affection

Parental alienation can seriously harm a child’s well-being. It also tells the court you may be unwilling to co-parent.

Why it’s harmful: Alienation can make a child develop negative feelings toward the other parent.
Court view: Judges do not look favorably on a parent who attempts to weaken the bond between a child and the other parent.
Positive approach: Support your child’s ongoing relationship with both parents. This cooperative attitude proves to the court that you put your child’s best interests first.

5. “Going to court today. Pray the judge sees through my ex’s lies!”

(Discussing court publicly or on social media can backfire and become evidence against you.)

Avoid Discussing Court Decisions Publicly

Talking about your custody battle in public or on social media can hurt your case.

Potential evidence: Anything you post might be used against you in court.
Court perception: Judges may see public complaints as disrespectful to the court.
Stay private: Resist venting online. Keep custody-related details off social media to protect your case.

6. “Let me tell you why mommy/daddy is making us go to court…”

(Involving children in adult issues can cause them emotional distress.)

Don’t Involve Your Child in Adult Issues

Children shouldn’t be part of adult custody conversations. This can place a heavy emotional burden on them.

Avoid explaining court proceedings: Telling children why you’re in court can confuse or upset them.
Stability and routine: Stick to normal routines and spend quality time together instead of dragging them into disputes.
Child’s perspective: Children need to feel safe and loved by both parents.

A woman and a child sit on a couch in a bright room. The woman, mindful of what not to say during a custody battle, speaks gently as the child listens with a thoughtful expression.

7. “If you don’t let me see the kids, I’ll…”

(Making threats toward the other parent suggests potential abuse and can undermine your case.)

Refrain from Making Threats

Threatening the other parent is a major warning sign for judges during a child custody dispute. It may suggest abusive behavior.

Anger management concerns: Swearing or using hostile language raises doubts about your ability to remain calm.
Domestic violence link: Threatening behavior can lead to or worsen domestic violence claims.
Stay respectful: Avoid derogatory language or threatening messages—judges weigh this heavily when deciding custody.

8. “You’re a terrible parent and everyone knows it.”

(Using profanity and insults toward your ex-spouse or ex-partner can severely harm your case.)

Avoid Profanity and Insults

Hostile messages or comments can damage your custody claim. Judges want to see that you can stay civil and cooperative.

Written or verbal: Offensive emails, texts, or voicemails can be used against you in court.
Focus on solutions: Aim for calm, constructive communication to show you can co-parent respectfully.

9. “I’ve decided to switch our child’s school without consulting you.”

(Making unilateral decisions can show a disregard for co-parenting and harm your credibility.)

Do Not Make Unilateral Decisions

Always talk with the other parent before making big decisions for your child.

Loss of trust: Acting alone can make you look uncooperative.
Court’s preference: Judges favor parents who communicate and cooperate.
Examples of major decisions: Changing schools, extracurricular activities, or significant financial moves require both parents’ input.

In a hallway, a woman kneels to high-five a young girl with braided hair and a backpack, reminding her of the importance of positivity even during challenging times like custody battles.

10. “I know better than my lawyer about how to handle this.”

(Ignoring legal advice can lead to major missteps that hurt your custody case.)

Don’t Ignore Legal Advice

Your attorney is there to guide you through the complexities of a child custody case.

Active participation: Stay involved in the proceedings. If you ignore them, the other parent might get a default judgment.
Obey court orders: Not following court orders can bring contempt charges or a loss of custody rights.
Better outcome: Respect for the legal process improves your standing in custody evaluations.

When Criticism Backfires: A Frequent Scenario

We often see this happen in Texas custody cases. For example, Julia repeatedly called her ex-husband irresponsible and lazy, even in front of court staff. During the hearing, her remarks were brought up, hurting her credibility. The judge saw Julia’s constant criticism as proof she might not support a healthy relationship between the father and child.

As a result, Julia received less parenting time until she showed a more cooperative attitude. She thought harsh words would help her, but it made her seem uncooperative and overshadowed her child’s best interests. Judges look for respectful co-parenting rather than insults. By speaking negatively, parents risk losing the custody arrangement they want. We see this pattern repeat itself when parents let anger block good judgment.

Case Study: Negative Speech Consequences

In In re Marriage of Stein, 153 S.W.3d 485 (Tex. App.—Amarillo 2004, no pet.), the mother argued she was more suitable for primary custody. However, the appellate court noted her frequent negative comments about the father in the child’s presence. This hurt her case because Texas courts believe a parent who can’t encourage a healthy relationship with the other parent may not be a good co-parent.

This case shows how continuous negative speech can damage your credibility and signal you won’t foster the child’s best interests. By emphasizing the harm of hostile language, Stein warns parents in heated custody disputes to avoid constant negativity.
[Source: https://casetext.com/case/in-re-marriage-of-stein-1]

Words Have Consequences

Continuous negative remarks can undermine your credibility—choosing respectful language is key to protecting your custody rights.

FAQs: Basic Custody Definitions

What is the legal term for child custody in Texas?

In Texas, the legal term for child custody is conservatorship.

What Is child custody mediation?

Child custody mediation is a private process where parents work with a neutral person to settle custody disputes outside of court. It keeps conflict down by encouraging cooperative solutions that serve the child’s best interests.

1. Mediators guide the discussion but do not decide outcomes.
2. Agreements reached can become part of the final custody order, saving time and money.

FAQs: Court Behavior and Mistakes

What should you never say in a Texas custody hearing?

A custody hearing is no place for insults, threats, or remarks meant to slander the other parent. Judges want maturity, respect for the court, and a focus on the child’s best interests.

1. Avoid statements like “I’ll make sure our child hates you” or “I don’t care about the court order.”
2. Even offhand comments can be used against you, so stay calm, factual, and polite.

What are the biggest mistakes that can hurt your custody case in court?

Lying under oath, insulting the other parent, ignoring court orders, or making decisions on your own can damage your credibility. These actions show a lack of respect for the legal process.

1. Providing false financial or childcare details can lead to legal trouble.
2. Disregarding interim court orders can result in contempt charges or less custody time.

How can lying under oath affect my child custody outcome?

Lying under oath could make you lose custody or face perjury charges. Courts value honesty over trying to look perfect. Admitting problems is often better than hiding them.

1. Once you lose credibility, the judge may doubt all your future statements.
2. You might also have to pay the other parent’s legal fees if the court decides you lied.

Does yelling or using profanity in front of the judge automatically harm my custody chances?

Yes. Angry outbursts, bad language, or aggressive behavior signal poor anger control and disrespect for the court. Both can hurt your custody case.

1. Stay calm to show maturity and emotional stability.
2. If you feel upset, ask for a short break or talk to your attorney before speaking again.

Can social media posts be used as evidence in a Texas custody battle?

Absolutely. Anything you post online, even in private groups, can be screenshotted and brought into court.
1. Tip: Don’t post threatening or negative content about your ex or the case.
2. Use privacy settings, but remember nothing online is truly private.

FAQs: Child Involvement

Why is it important not to involve children in adult custody issues?

Children can suffer emotional stress when pulled into adult conflicts. Involving them in a custody dispute may look manipulative to the court.

1. Showing you protect their emotional well-being demonstrates responsibility.
2. Courts value stability and security for the child.

What does a judge ask a child in a custody case?

Judges may ask general questions about the child’s living situation, routines, and concerns, trying to avoid added stress. The goal is to learn the child’s perspective without pushing them into parental conflict.

1. Children are often interviewed in private or with a court-appointed professional.
2. The child’s safety and emotional health are the top priority.

FAQs: Handling Threats and Unilateral Decisions

What steps can I take if the other parent threatens me during a custody case?

Record every threat (texts, voicemails, social media messages) and show them to your lawyer. If threats are severe or ongoing, you might need a protective order.

1. Don’t respond with threats. Let the legal system handle any harassment.
2. Keeping a record of threats can help if you need added protection from the court.

How do unilateral decisions impact my custody case in Texas?

If you make major decisions about your child’s life without talking to the other parent, it often signals you can’t co-parent. Courts prefer open communication.

1. Result: Judges may think you’re acting against the child’s best interests.
2. Discuss big changes (school, healthcare, relocation) with the other parent or consider mediation if you can’t agree.

FAQs: Child Support

What if back child support is owed?

If you owe back child support, the court can set up a repayment plan or impose penalties such as taking money from your paycheck. It’s crucial to pay child support on time to fulfill your obligations and avoid contempt of court penalties. Courts often prioritize child support payments over other financial responsibilities, and keeping records of payments can help prevent disputes. It’s best to stay proactive and work with the court or Child Support Division to avoid harsher consequences.

Past-due child support doesn’t remove your visitation rights, but it can affect how the court views your responsibility.

Taking quick steps to pay shows good faith and financial accountability.

FAQs: What Judges Look For

What do judges look for in child custody cases?

Judges focus on creating a stable, nurturing environment centered on the child’s best interests. They also assess whether each parent can work together, follow court orders, and support a positive parent-child relationship.

1. Factors like financial stability, safety, and routine play a key role.
2. Respect for the other parent’s rights can also help your case.

Judges Value Stability

Beyond legal arguments, a stable and nurturing home environment can be the decisive factor in winning custody.

FAQs: Tips and Guidance

What are some tips to increase chances of a successful custody case outcome?

To improve your odds in a custody case, show active parenting, stay cooperative with the other parent, keep detailed records, and hire a skilled child custody lawyer. These steps can strengthen your case in court.

What to say to someone going through a custody battle?

Offer caring support and suggest they seek professional help from a family law attorney or therapist. Acknowledge their stress, remind them to stay focused on the child’s best interests, and let them know you’re there to listen.

1. Urge them to keep detailed records and follow legal advice.
2. Encourage calm communication with the other parent to look reliable in court.

FAQs: Parental Alienation

How do I avoid parental alienation accusations during a custody dispute?

Support your child’s relationship with the other parent and steer clear of negative comments about them. Courts are concerned when one parent tries to damage the bond the child has with the other parent.

1. Document your efforts to maintain regular contact and follow visitation schedules.
2. Resolve disputes through legal channels instead of withholding access or resorting to name-calling.

What can I do about parental alienation?

If the other parent is influencing your child against you, keep a written account of incidents and speak to a legal professional. Courts view parental alienation seriously because it harms the child’s emotional health.

1. Communicate with your child calmly and positively when possible.
2. If alienation continues, you may seek court intervention or counseling.

FAQs: Child Custody Attorneys in Dallas

What do child custody attorneys in Dallas provide for families?

Child custody attorneys in Dallas offer caring, knowledgeable legal help. They guide families through custody cases and prioritize the child’s best interests.

What is the approach taken by Warren & Migliaccio for child custody cases?

Warren & Migliaccio customize their approach because each family’s situation is different. They create personalized strategies that fit their clients’ needs.

What types of cases do Dallas child custody attorneys handle?

Dallas child custody attorneys handle many types of cases, including:

1. Parenting plans
2. Custody issues for same-sex partners
3. Visitation rights
4. Modifications and enforcement
5. Child support
6. Paternity disputes
7. Parental relocation
8. Grandparents’ rights

Each case needs specific focus to reach the best outcome for the child.

Summary

In conclusion, going through a child custody battle in Texas requires thoughtful words and actions. Avoid criticizing the other parent, stay composed, and follow legal advice to improve your chances of a positive result.

Always keep your child’s well-being as your main focus. Show respect for the legal process to prove you’re a caring and responsible parent. A well-written custody agreement that addresses both physical custody and legal custody can lead to lasting cooperation. Remember, family law cases often connect to other matters—like spousal support or estate planning—so consult qualified professionals when finalizing any aspect of your custody or visitation schedules.

Mistakes during the divorce process can impact your case, making early legal guidance invaluable. Speaking with a knowledgeable family law attorney can help you understand custody arrangements, visitation schedules, and your parental rights. At Warren & Migliaccio, our experienced Texas child custody lawyers are here to provide the legal support you need. We can discuss your situation, answer your custody-related questions, and guide you through the process. Call us at (888) 584-9614 or contact us online to get started.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. It does not replace legal counsel or the advice of a qualified family law attorney. Every situation is unique, and child custody laws in Texas may affect your case differently.