As a Texas family law attorney, I’ve seen clients who think they can just walk into mediation sessions and expect everything to go smoothly. But the ones who fare best are those who come in feeling well prepared. That means knowing what to ask for in child custody mediation and being ready for potential issues. I know a client is on the right track when I get a call like the one from Gil.
“Chris, my soon-to-be ex and I agreed to try mediation for custody arrangements,” Gil said when he called.
“That’s a great start, Gil,” I replied. “But don’t assume it’ll be easy just because you’re avoiding court. You need to know what you want and how to ask for it, especially with custody.”
Gil admitted he was stressed. “We have a general agreement, but the details are overwhelming. She never plans ahead, and I’m worried about how things will unfold.”
“Preparation is key,” I told him. “Mediation is a chance to address potential issues before they arise, especially regarding child custody.”
In Texas, child custody mediation can be a great alternative to courtroom battles. A mediator helps parents reach a parenting plan that clarifies where the child will live and when they’ll spend time with each parent. But during such a stressful time, many parents wonder what they should ask for in mediation.
This guide aims to help you navigate those important decisions. Mediation offers a chance to minimize conflict and tailor solutions that fit your family’s needs. It’s all about focusing on the children’s best interests and approaching the process with a clear head to ensure a smooth transition during a difficult time.
Asking the Right Questions About Custody During Mediation
Mediation provides a structured environment for both parties, along with a neutral mediator, to discuss child custody matters, including possession and access. Unlike litigation in a courtroom, parties in mediation get to make the decisions together as long as they can come to an agreement.
Therefore, it’s best to work collaboratively to reach an agreement, setting aside differences and prioritizing the child’s well-being. It’s also best to anticipate the issues that might arise and ask the right questions to address them.
Here are examples of essential questions to raise in your Texas child custody mediation, ensuring that all parties understand their rights, responsibilities, and options:
- How will holidays be handled?
- How should exchanges look – what if they fall during school or work? Can a neutral location be used?
- What happens if one parent needs to relocate for work? Is there a distance limit on relocation?
- What are the procedures if one parent wants to modify the current custody order?
- Will grandparents or extended family have visitation? How often?
- Which parent has the authority to make major medical decisions for the child? What happens in an emergency?
What to Ask for in Child Custody Mediation: Key Areas to Consider
Walking into a mediation session well prepared is essential. Here’s a breakdown of the most important aspects of what to ask for in child custody mediation. This will help cover your bases:
1. A Parenting Schedule That Works
A parenting schedule is often at the heart of child custody mediation. It involves outlining when the child spends time with each parent.
- Standard Possession Order: Texas has a default custody schedule that often serves as a starting point. However, it might need adjustments to suit your family’s needs and the best interest of the child. These are temporary orders until a final court order is made.
- Weekends and Holidays: Discussing these special days upfront can prevent future conflicts. For instance, you can create a plan for alternating holiday schedules each year.
- School Breaks: Deciding how extended periods, like summer vacation or spring break, will be split is crucial. It’s important to clearly outline these details to prevent misunderstandings and disputes.Here is an example table that illustrates how some parents might format a Standard Possession Schedule:
2. Decision-Making Responsibilities
Co-parenting effectively means establishing clear guidelines for making important choices for the child. This helps to create a more stable and predictable environment for the child. The following should be considered carefully.
- Medical Care: How will medical decisions be made? Who will accompany the child to doctor’s appointments?
- Education: What happens if one parent wants to switch the child to a new school? What about extracurricular activities? These details should be addressed in your custody agreements.
- Religious Upbringing: If parents have different religious views, outlining how they will address this aspect of the child’s upbringing is important. This ensures both parents’ beliefs are respected.
3. Child Support Considerations
While not always a central topic in mediation, it’s worth understanding the basics of child support calculations in Texas. These calculations ensure the child’s financial needs are met.
- Texas Guidelines: Texas law has a set formula based on each parent’s income to determine child support payments.
- Additional Expenses: Mediation provides a space to address any unique needs the child may have that require financial contributions from both parents. This might include things like medical expenses not covered by insurance, private school tuition, or extracurricular activity costs.
4. Relocation
Life can take unexpected turns after a divorce, and one parent might consider relocating with the child. Establishing clear guidelines in these situations can help minimize disruption for the child.
- Geographic Restrictions: What limitations, if any, should be placed on where each parent can live with the child? This might involve a certain mile radius or staying within a particular county or school district.
- Relocation Procedures: What steps must a parent take if they do wish to relocate? Establishing a clear procedure in advance, potentially involving written notice, mediation, or even court intervention if necessary, can help manage potential relocations should they arise in the future.
5. Communication Strategies
Effective communication is essential for successful parenting schedule. Mediation can provide a forum for establishing respectful communication channels between parents, minimizing conflict, and ensuring the child’s well-being is prioritized. Open communication can help avoid misunderstandings and disagreements between parents.
- Methods: What methods of communication will be used (e.g., phone calls, emails, texting apps)? The chosen methods should be easily accessible and convenient for both parents.
- Frequency and Purpose: How often will parents communicate? Will it solely be for updates on the child’s well-being, or will decision-making be included? Clearly defining these aspects can help prevent miscommunication.
- Keeping it Child-Focused: How can parents make sure that their communication remains focused on the child’s needs and avoids negativity or personal conflicts? It is crucial to maintain a respectful and child-centered approach during communication.
Tips For A Successful Mediation Session
Going into child custody mediation can feel intimidating. Here are a few strategies to increase the chances of a favorable outcome:
- Hire a Child Custody Lawyer: While you don’t need to go to court, having a skilled attorney representing you during mediation is key. They understand family law and can protect your parental rights. Plus, they can offer advice on what to ask for and negotiate on your behalf.
- Be Prepared: Gather all necessary documents like financial information and existing custody arrangements, if there are any. This preparation demonstrates your seriousness about resolving the matter efficiently.
- Stay Focused on Your Child: It’s easy to get caught up in the emotions of divorce. Try to remember that your child’s well-being should remain at the forefront. Approaching the process with this mindset helps facilitate a collaborative environment.
Compromise: Remember that reaching a compromise often means that neither party gets exactly what they envisioned initially. Yet, being flexible and willing to find common ground can ultimately lead to more sustainable solutions that are in the best interest of your child.
Conclusion
Figuring out what to ask for in child custody mediation isn’t about ‘winning’ or ‘losing.’ It is about creating an arrangement that safeguards your child’s well-being and minimizes disruptions to their life during a transition. Approaching mediation collaboratively and focusing on what best serves your child will lay a strong foundation for a healthy, happy upbringing, even when family dynamics change.
FAQs about child custody
How to win a custody battle as a mother?
The concept of “winning” custody isn’t always productive in mediation because your focus needs to remain child-centered rather than pitting parents against one another. There’s nothing “wrong” with seeking primary custody. But, if you attempt to “win” simply to prove a point to your spouse or exact some form of revenge for wrongs in the relationship, it likely will not turn out well for you in court (should mediation be unsuccessful).
Should you end up in court, be honest, open-minded, demonstrate a willingness to cooperate, and put the child’s needs ahead of your own. Focus on consistency, involvement in their lives, a stable home environment, and strong communication to help build your case.
What to say to someone going through a child custody battle?
Avoid saying, “I know exactly how you feel” as no one can truly fathom this painful and heart wrenching process unless they’ve gone through it themselves. Instead, empathize and say, “That sounds so incredibly tough” or simply, “My heart breaks for you, and I am so sorry you’re going through this.” This approach should make them feel truly heard.
Other suggestions for meaningful ways to provide support include “I am here for you – how can I support you?” or “If you want to talk, I will listen without judgment.” Don’t forget to provide tangible support through gift cards to restaurants for busy nights, offering to run errands or babysit, or connecting them with resources or referrals if possible.
What is the biggest mistake in a custody battle?
Letting emotions dictate your actions often leads to poor decisions that could harm your case in the long run. Another big one is neglecting to clearly communicate your wants. Explain your ideal scenario to your lawyer – they can advocate effectively if they know your goals.
How Will Gil Prepare for his Child Custody Mediation?
“What do you think Gil? Did I give you something to think about?” I asked him.
“Sure did Chris. Only one thing that came up was on my mind already. But you filled me up with many more considerations I never would have thought about.”
“That was my goal there Gil. The mediator might raise all these issues, but you don’t want to rely on that, you need to be prepared,” I told him. “So what was that issue already on your mind?”
“I’m afraid she’s going to move back to New Jersey where she grew up. I’m cool if the kids live with her most of the time as long as she stays local here in the Dallas area,” he said. “But if she moves far away, well, I’m just not sure how that could work.”
“Gil, you have to be ready to address this in mediation. The mediator can help guide you to a compromise, but you need to ask for what you want and discuss what you don’t want. This includes relocation, its impact on the parenting schedule, school decisions, communication, and even custody modification.”
“Mediation isn’t as easy as it sounded when it was first suggested. There’s a lot I need to think about to prepare, a lot,” he said.
“Yes, the more prepared you are, the better the outcome. But I feel good about where you’re headed because you’re already putting in the effort. Think about your ideal scenario and call me next week to go over it. I’ll help you clarify your goals and find room for compromise, so you’re fully prepared for mediation. And if mediation doesn’t work, I’ve got your back in court,” I reassured him.
Schedule a Consultation With Our Firm to Find Out What to Ask for in a Texas Child Custody Mediation
Trying to figure out what to ask for in a Texas child custody mediation can be stressful and challenging, but you do not have to face it alone. Our team of experienced Dallas family attorneys is ready to provide you with the guidance, support, and legal advocacy you need during these challenging times.
Whether you are wondering what to ask for in a child custody mediation, or navigating other child custody related issues, we are here to help you every step of the way. We welcome you to schedule a consultation to discuss your situation and case objectives. We can answer your legal questions and discuss how we can help you move forward. Call our law office at (888) 584-9614 or contact us online to schedule your consultation.
